What would happen if we established time together as a couple and made it sacred?
Growing up in a conservative Christian home, we never discussed whether we would go to church on Sunday morning. Church attendance was a given. If something came up at school or in the community that was going to occur on Sunday, I didn't even need to consider it. Sunday morning was sacred. It was set apart for one thing only --- corporate worship of the Lord.
Early in a relationship we fight for time together. We will go out of our way to be together for even small amounts of time. Once we get to the point where we are coming home to the same place and sleeping together every night, we tend to stop fighting for that connecting time.
To keep passion alive in our marriage we must continue to fight for time together. I encourage couples to make their relationship a high priority by establishing "couple-time" and making it sacred.
What is "couple-time"?
For those unsure, "couple-time" is any period of time set apart for you as a couple. That can be going on dates, sitting talking together, playing together, sex, etc....any time that is designed for the two of you. I talk about three main types:
- Fun Dates
- Working Dates
- Connecting Time
If your couple-time is sacred:
- No reason is good enough to disrupt your time together.
- There's no discussion on if it happens, only how this particular couple-time will look.
- As with worship, seek to remove any barriers that would distract you from your sacred time together. This might be kids, phone, pager, TV or unresolved anger (Mark 11:25).
- Prepare yourself for your time together.
The Old and New Testament talk about preparing ourselves for worship. If our couple-time is sacred, we need to prepare ourselves for it as well. Make sure you are well rested. Plan ahead. Decide what you will be doing and how you will behave. Do whatever it takes. Karen and I used to have our couple-time in the evening after one of my longest days. I found I had to plan an extra long break that day so I could be well rested for our date. After all, my time with her was sacred: time at work was just work.
- It's a time that you honor your spouse and your relationship and seek to make the experience great.
As you begin to get the analogy, you can continue the list for how you would want this time to look for you as a couple. The main point is to take it seriously and fight for that deeper connecting time. Don't let anything, even your frustration or hurt, keep you from connecting with your partner.