Who initiates sexual activity in your marriage?

matchesWho initiates sexual activity in your marriage? Are you ok with how it is?

One of the more common areas of sexual dissatisfaction I see in my office is in the area of initiating sexual activity. Complaints of who initiates, how often, and how lovemaking is initiated are common. To help address this concern, this series of articles will address ways to enrich and problem-solve sexual initiation your marriage.

“If we have sex, it’s because I asked for it. I really wish she would approach me sometimes.”

The most common complaint comes from husbands wishing their wives would initiate sex more frequently. While I do work with couples were both initiate sex fairly equally, what is typical is that the spouse with the highest sexual drive generally initiates sex the vast majority of the time. Statistically speaking, this is generally the husband.


A new female desire drug?

Imagine a drug that can increase female sexual desire. Many of you have already tried to imagine it. So have the pharmaceutical companies. Since about 30% of women report their sexual desire is too low, the income potential for such a drug has many businesses hoping to cash in.

Testosterone patches are just one of the medications proposed for increasing sexual desire in women. The latest attempt has been called by some the “female Viagra”. The nickname is misleading since Viagra is an arousal drug not a desire drug, but potentially accurate in the impact it could have on society. At this point, however, Filbanserin (proposed trade name is Girosa) has been rejected by the FDA.


Such Were Some of You: Testaments to Sexual Transformation

Each year, the General Board of Superintendents of The Wesleyan Church hold a symposium on doctrinal issues. In 2010, the topic was "Wesleyan Perspectives on Human Nature: Perfect, Flawed, and Redeemed". They graciously invited me to present a paper on Sexual Transformation.

The question they asked me to address was:

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Viewed from the perspective of creation, carnality, and consecration,
what was human nature intended to be, what happened to this ideal,
and can people be transformed sexually?

I titled my paper "Such Were Some of You: Testaments to Sexual Transformation" and took a John 9 approach of telling stories of God's transforming power. The paper identifies God's design for sexuality, how it has gone wrong, barriers to sexual transformation and some points on how sexual transformation occurs.

Several people have asked me about this paper. You are invited to read the paper through this link (PDF format of the paper). When done, I'd love to hear your comments. Use the Contact Us form to send them in. I hope to post some to this page.