Brakes and Accelerators
There is great value in identifying your own Brakes and Accelerators and sharing them with your spouse.
There is great value in identifying your own Brakes and Accelerators and sharing them with your spouse.
This is a classic exercise in the sex therapy field that is typically valuable – and sometimes surprising to couples. Agree as a couple to work on this together, though it can be beneficial for yourself if your spouse isn’t willing to join you.
Sexual arousal (and sexual desire) are not light switches where they are either on or off. It’s more like driving a car with accelerators and brakes.
Sexual Accelerators are those things that excite us – even in subtle ways. They are the “turn ons.” Accelerators add energy to arousal.
Sexual Brakes are those things that tend to hinder sexual excitement. They are the “turn offs.” Brakes tend to remove energy from arousal.
There is great value in identifying your own Brakes and Accelerators and sharing them with your spouse. Many people are not able to share the specifics of what increases and decreases arousal.
The attached worksheets (PDF download) are designed as a simple guide to assist you. Each sheet covers a different stage of Dr. Sytsma’s Intimacy Model. You can learn more about these stages by watching the introduction video here.
Remember:
Stay curious, cherishing, and affirming with each other.
This assignment is available as a PDF handout. Feel free to download and print it.