Begin by exploring your attitudes and beliefs about sex with each other. Choose a couple questions you would like to explore with your spouse. (Pick the questions you are willing to answer, not the questions you want your spouse to answer.)
In your answer, try to tell a story that illustrates the answer. Take your time and share your heart. If you are listening, remain open and curious. Do not judge or tell your spouse how it should be.
Messages from childhood
- How was the topic of sex handled when growing up in your family? What messages were conveyed concerning nudity, physical affection, reproduction, menstruation, masculinity and femininity? Were you allowed to ask questions? Were your questions answered?
- Were your parents affectionate with each other? Affectionate with you? What did you learn from how touch and affection were handled in your home?
- What did you learn about sex, body image, sensuality, and touch from your siblings?
- What are your earliest memories of learning about the difference between boys and girls?
- What memories do you have of sexuality in elementary school? What messages did you learn about sex and sexuality during this stage of life?
- What were your early memories of experiencing genital pleasure? How did you feel about it?
- Talk about your early exposure to sexual images (i.e., pornography) or sexual stories (i.e., erotica). What did you learn about sex from those exposures?
- When did you begin dating? How did your dating experiences help shape your view of your masculinity or femininity? How did they impact your view of sex?
- Were there other early experiences that shaped your view of sex and your own sexuality?
The purpose of sex
- Why did God create sexuality?
- What does sex mean to you? What is its purpose?
- Do you believe sex is, or can be, holy or sacred?
- How much of sex is drive, hunger, duty, responsibility, fun, connection, etc.?
- Do you expect each sexual encounter to be equally satisfying? What percent of the time do you expect sex to be great, satisfactory, good enough, or of poor quality?
- How often do you expect to have sex? What would it mean to have less, or more, sex than you expect?
- What is the most enjoyable part of sex for you? The least enjoyable?
- When you are sexual, what feelings do you hope to experience? What do you require to feel emotionally and sexually satisfied? (e.g. Complete the sentence: I am sexually satisfied when . . .)