No More Perfect Podcast with Shaunti Feldhahn & Dr Michael Sytsma

The No More Perfect Podcast is hosted by Jill & Mark Savage. Former pastor and wife, Jill is now author of over a dozen books, two coauthored with her husband Mark. They also provide marriage coaching and speaking.

In February this year they interviewed Shaunti Feldhahn and Dr Michael Sytsma about their new book, Secrets of Sex and Marriage.

Jill wrote her key take aways were:

1) We have to dispel our Hollywood-based ideas around desire. Hollywood is all about initiating desire. A man and a woman see each other and sparks fly! However, the majority of people prefer receptive desire. In this form of desire, the steps actually work in reverse. Initiating desire is where you feel desire and then act. With receptive desire, however, you have to decide to engage with your spouse sexually and then you get the sense of desire after things progress. We need to stop associating a higher sex drive with the partner who has initiating desire and recognize receptive desire.

2) The issues in the marriage are what keeps you from more sex. Shaunti and Michael’s research shows that it is more likely that both partners aren’t getting as much sex as they would like. This came as a shock to both partners. What they found is that It’s often things outside the bedroom such as energy management, connection, and other issues that prevent couples from having more sex.

3) Be the kind of person that is always seducing your spouse. We typically associate seduction with the bedroom, but what we mean here goes beyond the physical. In marriage, we tend to take on the attitude of take-it-or-leave-it when it comes to who we are. But we actually need to be living life in such a way that is attractive to our spouse. When we are mindful of their feelings, and desires, and show them loving care any action can be seductive!

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