by Sadé Ferrier, LMFT
Marriage counseling is often considered to be the last resort, the last-ditch effort to save a relationship that is on its last legs. This perspective may have some believing that counseling doesn’t work, while others are so disconnected from their partner that they aren’t willing to fully engage with the process.
As a marriage counselor, I notice a very sad truth: that if couples would have started therapy 3 – 5 years earlier, they could have had more success with saving their marriage. The distance would not have become as cold, and they could have avoided the pain of affairs, lack of intimacy or hurtful arguments.
Instead of seeing marriage counseling as a choice for relationships in crisis, consider seeing it as a normal part of your yearly wellness routine. Think of it this way; would you go an entire year without servicing your car? Of course not! You’d start to notice the effects of this neglect very quickly: there may be trouble with your engine, tires or transmission that would prevent you from being able to make your daily trips.
Your relationship needs routine wellness checkups in order to keep it on the right track. However, many couples put their relationship on autopilot once they pass the big milestones of dating, engagement and marriage. The relationship becomes comfortable, a fact of life. It’s harder to notice how the daily tears and fractures are growing without consistent attention and repair.
Consider meeting with a marriage counselor now, before you are metaphorically stranded on the side of the road. You may want to have check-in sessions once a month or once a quarter, depending on what you and your counselor decide. These sessions are a great way to pause life and refocus your energy and attention to what matters most: having a full and satisfying relationship with your life companion. Your counselor can help you see problem areas that you wouldn’t have noticed, and help you practice new communication skills to break up old patterns.
Do you feel like your partner isn’t hearing or understanding you? Are you having the same arguments over and over again? Relationship counseling can bring clarity and understanding to areas of miscommunication. Plus, it is helpful to have an already-established
relationship with your counselor so that when something big does happen – a life transition like a move, job change, new baby, death in the family, or in-laws moving in with you – you won’t have to worry about searching for a therapist in your season of stress.
How Do I Get Started?
Building Intimate Marriages in Suwanee, Georgia, is all about helping you build stronger, more satisfying relationships. Online and in-person sessions are available for all Georgia residents, and can be scheduled by contacting our Client Care Coordinator. We aim to respond to your inquiry within 24 hours.
If you do not reside in Georgia, we encourage you to utilize directories like PsychologyToday.com that can help you narrow down your search for a counselor by filtering based on specialties, in-person or online options, insurance, and more.
Sadé Ferrier, LMFT is a therapist at Building Intimate Marriages in Suwanee, Georgia, focusing on sex therapy and intimacy issues. She especially loves working with clients who have a background with anxious attachment, spiritual deconstruction, vaginismus, or low sexual desire.